As a volunteer in sports, it can be good to know a little about why children and young people do what they do.

Children and young people are not small adults. They use their language differently, they express themselves differently and they think differently. Sometimes they also do things that we as adults do not fully understand. As coaches, we must try to see and understand what is happening in the various arenas from the point of view of children and young people. 

• Who are the kids I coach? 
• What is important to them? 
• Why do they make the choices they do? 
• What do I as an adult need to watch out for? 
• What is it good for me as a trainer to know about?

How does the brain work?

As coaches in sports, we are leaders and must exercise leadership. We have an important role and must guide children and young people in their growth and development. Children and young people are different and have different needs. To understand this, we need to look a little into developmental psychology and how our brains work. 

Most people who start playing sports are around six years old. At this age, all the major structures in the brain are in place, but the connections between these parts are not completely in place. These connections will develop and strengthen over the next few years and throughout childhood and adolescence. Puberty is the final push.

Children need to be understood, even when emotions rule over both knowledge and experience. This requires adults who are able to keep their emotions in check and be a good role model. Who speak in a calm voice and perhaps can help put what is happening into words. An adult who can confirm the feelings the child has, and help with regulation if necessary.

This self-regulation is something that the child will eventually learn on their own, and some need more help with this than others. Self-regulation is something that must be learned together with others, in the environment and with other children. Adults have a particularly important role. 

We become a kind of guide, or supervisor, in many situations.

For some children, the situation may be that they know what they should do, and yet do something else. This can help create a gap between what the child actually does and what they know they should have done. As children get older, this becomes more and more apparent. 

Children and adolescents grow and develop differently. Many factors affect the ability to self-regulate, including who the child is as a person, how easily they get angry, how easily they get sad, their temperament, the support they have from home in their earlier years, and their experiences in kindergarten and school. Some children learn this quite early and have good control, while others need support and help with regulation well into their teenage years. This can also be situational. 

Example , the child comes to training one day and manages the tasks well and gets a sense of mastery. The next time, perhaps with a different coach, or a different activity, the situation is completely different. Then, among other things, the relationship the child and the coach have plays a role. How confident the child is in the coach, or in the others who are at training. This takes time and needs to be practiced. 

We can compare it to a child learning to take their first unsteady steps until they are running around. The more you practice, the stronger the connection in the brain that controls balance and coordination becomes. Eventually, the connection will stick. That is why all-round sports and versatile exposure are recommended at a young age, as different connections are created in the brain related to movement and movement experience.

Feelings, experiences and impressions

In the same way, we must practice handling emotions, experiences and impressions. Children and young people's natural way of learning and practicing is through play. In play, children are allowed to practice rules, practice relating to and with each other, practice setting their own boundaries and practice tolerating the boundaries of others. 

There are three themes that are very important throughout childhood: feelings, friendship, and me in the world. 

Theme feeling 

Briefly explained. Our brain gives us the world in stages. At the age of six or seven, we take a step where we get stronger feelings in our bodies, and we begin to understand more. At first, the child does not fully understand these feelings. We may not fully recognize them. 

The feeling of disappointment can feel like the feeling of anger. The feeling of anger can feel like the feeling of sadness. The child must learn the concepts, and must learn to recognize them. We will carry these feelings with us for the rest of our lives. 

If there's one thing we know about sports, it's that it brings out big emotions at all levels and ages. This is also an important part of the joy of sports, whether you're a player or a supporter. Regulating emotions is something that needs to be practiced, and to do that, children and young people need help from adults. 

Theme friendship

Friendships when we are young before school age are often functional friendships. This means that we play with those who are closest and practical. For example, friends of our parents' children, the children in the neighborhood, in kindergarten. Those who are close and practical to be with. Gradually, something happens when it comes to friendships. Around the age of 9-10, we begin to change towards friendships based on feelings, interests and experienced togetherness. Then the child begins to choose friends, those who they feel it is good to be with. 

This also means experiencing being chosen by others, and also being able to choose again. We as adults must support children and young people in this process. Support them in choosing people around them who make them feel good. Children will eventually grow up and create and maintain good relationships that make life good. 

At the same time, the child should learn not to hurt, and that everyone has a place in the community. You don't have to like everyone equally, but still have good experiences with them. In team games with many players, this is very relevant. Within the team there could be a mixture of close good friendships and more peripheral or even absent friendships. Across this, a team should function and perform as a team. A community across relationships and types of friendship. As adults, we can demand that in our community everyone should have their place.

Theme myself

Myself in the world is about finding the best version of oneself. At times, this can mean that the child also becomes very self-absorbed. Children and young people may believe and think that their surroundings and others care a lot about what they themselves say and do. In reality, the child is concerned with finding themselves in relation to the world around them. It is also a natural process that we should both support them in and guide them in developing them further. We must understand that these are children who need a lot of guidance. They are developing, and need the experience and guidance of adults. We as adults should have adapted expectations, we should be good at giving good messages, and we should have clear goals. We need to understand a little bit of why children and young people are the way they are. Then predictability in routines and organization, created by adults, is needed – a safe arena where children and young people are allowed to be who they are.