What is a good message?

As coaches, we often give messages to our athletes, and often the message is given to an entire group. How do we get children and young people to respond to our messages, and what exactly is a good message?

Giving signals is part of our routine as coaches, and our athletes need to know that one of the tasks of a coach is to give signals. A signal can be a signal or a fixed time when something is going to happen. A coach wants to gather attention around, for example, a place such as a fixed starting point. 

A message should be short and concise, and easy to understand. Sometimes you can also demonstrate what you are expected to do, also to ensure that everyone understands what is going to happen. Also, make sure you have eye contact when you are going to give a message, and stand a little close to those who need it when the message is given. 

We can talk about three categories of messages:

1. Correction

We use correction when we want to fix something, when we want someone to do something differently, or when we think someone has violated our expectations in some way.

There is a formula for this message that you can keep in mind:

1. Acknowledge : Does not mean the same as approving, but more of acknowledging that I see you had a thought, that you perhaps misunderstood – I see your perspective on the situation.
2. Then I comment on the action : For example: Hey – you're in a hurry, you're running along the edge of the pool! I comment on what you're doing, describe it.
3. Then I say what I expect: Here in the swimming pool, we go.

When you use correction in this way, you will experience that you are perhaps heard to a much greater extent and get the attention of the person you are correcting. This is a positive way of setting boundaries, without, for example, adding your own feelings into it, such as adding – “Now I am tired”.. “you never listen”…etc. which can quickly become a condemnation.

Sometimes the correction can also be too harsh/exaggerated. For example : "You know that it is not allowed to make noise in the locker room." 

If I were to use the formula here , I could perhaps say: “Hey, I hear that there is a lot of good atmosphere here, and that you are having fun as a team. But you are making a lot of noise and it disturbs the others in the other locker room. In here, we take each other into account and move quietly and speak in quiet voices.” Here the correction is clear and firm. But still, they should understand that we want them well, and direct their attention to what we want.

2. Reminder

Children and young people do not always know what is expected of them at any given time. They need us to remind them of the rules we have or what we have agreed upon. This can apply regardless of age and what rules apply. This can change from arena to arena, and also from coach to coach. When we give a reminder, we are saying that this will happen, and a reminder of what we expect.

Like, for example , "Now it's time for a drink break. When it's time for a drink break, we make sure to see each other, and we make sure no one gets left out."

3. Confirmation

This is the type of message we want the most. It is often the one that gets the best response.

This type of message is quite closely related to both the attention principle and the role model principle. When children and young people do as we expect, as we have told them to do, we can step in and acknowledge and comment on what they are doing, and reinforce it.

We can also use affirmation to acknowledge and promote skills that they have, characteristics that they possess, choices they make, and actions they take that we want to see more of.

For example , the youth arrives on time for training. As a coach, you can confirm this by saying, "You're out on time, I like that."

The rule of thumb is to always confirm and reinforce what we want to see more of, and what we want them to do.

Direct attention to the good things children/youth do - that is what the attention principle is. In some cases, children/youth resort to negative attention to get attention. This can also be understood as a desire to be confirmed. Then it is easy as an adult to just correct. If we are ahead of the curve, have planned and thought in advance, it can be easier to confirm what we want to see. This is what we want to use the most, so that in the long run the need for correction will be reduced. Recognition and that we see the children/youth by confirming their good behavior/thoughts also builds good relationships. They get a place in the community, and this can also make the whole group confirm each other and something happens to the dynamics in the group. We can also as coaches help the children/athletes by reminding them what behavior we want. As coaches, we need to practice this, and as long as we are aware of this, the chance is greater that we will achieve this in a better way.