By Lasse Knutsen, anti-bullying representative in Nordland and member of the development group for the omni model
As a bullying representative, I see almost daily how important community is for children and young people's well-being and development. One of the most basic needs we have as humans is to feel a sense of belonging. This need is one of the strongest driving forces we humans have, and for children and young people in growth and development it is especially important. Many children and young people lack the maturity to handle challenges related to community in a healthy way. This in turn can go beyond some children and young people who are on the "outside". This is where we adults must "stand up" and guide in a healthy way. I will come back to this.
When children and young people experience a fear of "falling out" of the community, this can be triggered by many different reasons. Some have experienced exclusion previously, others see friends or classmates experiencing it.
Children navigate social situations in different ways, and their approaches can vary considerably. Some children seek out new friends or groups where they feel more accepted, which can be positive. Some children find a close friend and create an exclusive relationship where it’s “just the two of us.” This can give them a sense of security, but at the same time, it can exclude other children from the community.
Other children try to make themselves visible by becoming the class clown, the tough one, or the coolest one in class. This strategy can help them secure a place and respect in the group. At the opposite end of the spectrum, some children withdraw, become quiet, and try to avoid attention. This can lead to them refusing to go to school and participate in social activities.
There are also children who try to secure their place by pushing others out of the community, which can be the start of bullying and exclusion. Each of these strategies has its own advantages and disadvantages, and it is important to understand them in order to support children in their social development.
The Risks of Outsiders
The fear of “falling out” and the strong need to belong to a community is so strong that some children and young people will do almost anything to avoid being excluded. As a result, they can end up in groups that engage in norm-breaking behavior, such as bullying, substance abuse, or crime. It is better to belong to a problematic community than to be alone. Exclusion is one of the biggest challenges in society today.
The Social Hierarchy
In a class of 20 students, the principle should be that everyone has equal space, equal value, and equal opportunity. But often the culture is such that some get more space, while others get less space. This creates a hierarchy where some have high social status and others do not.
Social hierarchies can lead to negative internal justice, where norms are stretched and language becomes harsher. For example, "Per is a fucking homo" may be an accepted joke between friends with high status, but when the same statement is directed at "Pål" with lower status, it becomes bullying behavior. Pål is forced to participate and is not allowed to speak out.
This dynamic can also be seen physically. While it may be okay to nudge each other in play, Paul may be pushed and fall. When confronted, they defend themselves with “that’s just how we are, everyone does it,” but we know that “Paul” is particularly vulnerable. If parents also downplay the situation with “it’s just a little rough,” the problem is amplified. The blame is placed on “Paul” for not understanding or enduring it.
To counteract this tendency, the teacher/coach/guardian must take responsibility for setting the framework and ensuring that everyone is included. Adults must be clear about who will sit together, who will be on a team, and how activities will be carried out. This helps to create a larger community where more people can prove themselves as good friends and collaborators.
When we talk about building a safe and good community, it is the formal community that is our main arena. The informal community, which is often formed spontaneously and without structure, is less important for the long-term development of inclusive environments. The goal must be to create a big “we”, where everyone feels part of the group.
Community is incredibly important for children and young people, especially during the summer holidays. When school breaks, spontaneous informal community often arises without framework, structure and security. The importance of adults during the summer holidays has everything to do with creating safe and good communities. By facilitating socializing and engagement, adults can help prevent loneliness and provide children with support during a period where routines are different. The summer can thus become a time for growth and positive experiences, which strengthen children's mental and emotional health.
Here are some tips for including all children and creating a safe and inclusive community:
- Plan inclusive activities: Choose activities that are accessible to everyone, regardless of skill level or interests. Group games, outdoor adventures, and creative workshops are good options.
- Be a role model: Show inclusive behavior by inviting all children to participate and encouraging cooperation and friendship.
- Organize group activities: Arrange group activities such as treasure hunts, nature walks, or sports days to promote unity and cooperation among children.
- Involve parents: Encourage parents to get involved and contribute to activities. This strengthens the community and ensures that all children have the opportunity to participate.
- Encourage friendships: Help children find common interests and build friendships by facilitating play and conversations in small groups.
- Give positive feedback: Praise children for their inclusiveness and friendly behavior, and encourage them to continue being open and inclusive.
Be the safe adult on the street, engage in play and fun and, most importantly, make sure everyone joins in.